Tribulation
by ChatterBOXX
Summary: Putting on his helmet, he revved up his engine, bringing it to life. "Raphael!" "...Bite me," was the last thing I heard from him before he bolted off into the stormy night.
1. Chapter 1

**Tribulation: Chapter One**

_"Apologizes are pointless, regrets come too late. What matters is you can move on, you can grow."_

-Kelsey Grammer

_"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone."_

-Harriet Beecher Stowe

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

*******_Italics_=flashbacks*******

* * *

'What have I done?'

…

…

…

'Holy shit, what have I done?'

Standing in my brother's room, I let the dimness suck me in as I mentally chanted the same thing multiple times glued to the same spot I had been for hours.

'What have I done?'

Thick silent tears began spilling from my watery eyes hitting the cold stone floor like an arsenal of small bullets as I tried sorting through the thoughts that were swimming in my head.

_'_What have I done?'

As I stifled back yet another sob, my eyes frantically darted around the room where it all began as if the answers would come to me.

'This is my entire fault.'

Whether by some outside force, or my subconscious mind alone, my legs, compelled me around the vacant space. Half-heartedly, I glanced at old discarded punching bags, free weights, and various other things that were sprawled around the room.

As my calloused fingers gently caressed the worn sheets on the hammock that my brother called his bed, I suddenly realized that it will forever remain cold, and that it will never again show any signs of life. I felt my heart breaking; thinking about having to rouse one less every morning was just too painful to bear now as the constricting sensation in my chest began to tighten.

Turning away with stinging eyes threatening to spill their content of fresh tears, the object that started this whole ordeal fell into my line of vision. What little control I had left over my tears was gone in an instant as I rushed over to the other side of the room to confront it.

With a shaky hand, I gingerly stoked the smoothed surface as I relived the events that happened just hours before.

"Who would have thought that I would lose you over something as silly as this?" I whispered into the deserted quarters.

"Who would have thought that I would lose you over a map?"

The memories were too much to bear and I closed my eyes trying to get my mind to concentrate, to focus, just as my father had thought us for years. However, none of his teachings could ever have prepared me for a horrible event like this one.

'How am I going to go on?'

I thought as I slid down to my knees in front of the clause, the object that was the source of all this chaos.

Sighing, while slowly glancing to my left I saw them, and I felt my eyes widen in realization.

Guilt. Guilt was all I felt upon seeing the pushpins that I crudely snatched out of the poster and threw to the floor. They were now carefully tucked away in a glass jar on the shelf adjacent to the map.

And that's when they hit me, and I succumbed to the memories of what happened earlier that day…

_"What is the meaning of this, get off your lazy shell and come to the dojo we have an extra training session since the weather is terrible outside" I shouted at my younger brother who was as usual defiantly sprawled out on the floor staring at his map littered with various push pins'_

_"It's a map of all the places I'm going to go, all the things I'm going to see," my brother responded back with an air of nonchalance._

_"And how exactly are you going to go to those places, how exactly are you going to see those things?" I quickly barked out_

_"Easy, with my bike."_

_"Oh with my bike he says. With my bike, I am going to go on a reckless ride all across the United States without giving so much of a thought about my family's safety, not to mention Master Splinter would not approve."_

_"Yeah, right fearless, I don't give a _damn _about this family," he suddenly shot back while getting up with a stretch and exiting the room._

Blinking my eyes back to reality, I gazed into the glass case, turning it over in my shaky hand.

'He must have picked them all off the floor right before'_-_ I contemplated silently as I examined the jars content with expert care.

"It didn't feel as if I tore this many out of the wall, there has to be at least fifty in here," I murmured into the stillness of the air while slipping back into the recesses of my mind…

_"Raphael get back here," I growled as the realization that my brother was ignoring me yet again set in, "does it look like I'm done talking to you?"_

_"Does it look like I care…didn't think so."_

_"Raphael Hamato" I said in the most authoritative voice I could muster "I am in charge, and you will get back here and listen to what I have to say!"_

_With that last statement, I watched as my younger brother swiftly turned around in the doorframe while staring daggers at my form. _

_"Listen here 'Oh Fearless one'," he hissed in a voice sodden with spite, "I am not your little pet that will jump whenever you say jump, that leader shit you just pulled right there may work on Mike and Don, but it sure in the hell won't work on me. Now that map right there the one you got your shell so worked up over, I'd like to see you try and stop me from going to those places."_

_Raph has always been a master of bringing out the best and worst in me, and at that moment, the worst had been brought out. I needed to take my frustration out on something and fast and the map was the first object in my line of vision. Looking at all of those pushpins sparked anger from the pit of my belly, anger that I did not even know I was harboring. Instantly, I turned around and began roughly yanking them out._

_"Leo, what the fuck are you doing" Raph yelled from the door way while hastily shuffling into the room, but his outburst didn't faze me I was on a mission to take out every single tack. He grabbed my arm in an attempt to prevent me from doing my task but I pulled it free and proceeded with a pace twice as fast._

_"Leo, what the hell is your problem", Raph yelled while shoving me away from the map just as I tugged the last tack free, "do you even know how long that took me?"_

_Throwing the pin down to the floor, I used my newly freed hand to shove him back._

_"Raph, you need to get it into your head that you can never risk our family's safety by doing something so careless, selfish and pointless, why can't you just understand that?"_

_His eyes were livid as if golden flames were flickering in his orbs. At first, all he did was stare and I could tell he was contemplating his next form of action. Slowly, his amber eyes began to cool down and his expression became solemn._

_"I am not like Master Splinter, or you guys, I can't stand being trapped under ground while I know there's a whole fucking world out there. I know the odds are against us but why can't we enjoy life, why can't we do the same things as the ungrateful people we protect, why-'_

_"Because fate Raphael, we can't go topside because people will not understand, Master Splinter has told us since we were younger, you've even witnessed yourself how people react to us. With the enemies we have created, it is just not safe."_

_I silently watched as Raph turned to his map and carefully rubbed New York's position. After staring at a particular spot, he quickly turned around and headed out of the door._

_"And where do you think you're going?" I shouted after him while running out of the room and stopping him in the hallway._

_"Out, is that alright with you," he curtly stated while pushing pass me heading to the elevator that leads to the garage._

_As I entered the elevator with him, I knew he wouldn't elaborate until I pressed the matter further, and I knew wherever he was going it wouldn't end well._

_"Out where?"_

_As the door opened, Raph silently slipped out heading over to his bike ignoring my question and me altogether._

_"Out where Raphael"_

_Pausing before putting his helmet on he carefully muttered "we have lived here for seventeen years and not one of us has seen the Chrysler building or any of the other crap that people take for advantage, I am going site seeing."_

_"You can't," I said while moving in front of his bike._

_"And why the hell not"_

_"First off we have practice, second you might get spotted, and third the weather is a nightmare tonight, and you could get hurt."_

_As if confirming my statement, a mantra of thunder and lightning filled the air in the garage._

_Rolling his eyes at my last statement, he wordlessly turned on his bike._

_"Raphael, did you even hear what I just said?"_

_Putting on his helmet, he revved up his engine, bringing it to life._

_"Raphael!"_

_"Bite me," was the last thing I heard from him before he bolted off into the stormy night._

* * *

**(A/N) **This story was raging in my brain for a while, I hope you guys enjoy it! **Please R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Tribulation: ****Chapter Two**

"_Heart knows no sorrow like the sorrow of regretting." _

_-Martha Hoffman_

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.**

*******_Italics=flashbacks__*******_

* * *

_Let us recap shall we!_

_Putting on his helmet, he revved up his engine, bringing it to life._

"_Raphael!"_

"_Bite me," was the last thing I heard from him before he bolted off into the stormy night._

"_Raph, Raph, RAPHAEL GET BACK HERE," I shouted while stumbling out of the garage only to have my voice drowned out by a rush of thunder._

"_Fine go on, ride your bike in the storm!" _

* * *

_Growling in exasperation, I briefly shielded my eyes as the chaotic night air began furiously blowing icy rainwater onto my heated skin. OnceI became aware that exposing myself to the extreme weather might not be the smartest idea now; I began making my way towards the elevator._

"_He's such a hothead," I mumbled to myself as the doors slowly closed off my view of the garage. _

Rubbing the images out of my eyes, I gently placed the glass container aside. Moving to a more comfortable seated position, I stared absentmindedly ahead at the map.

"I should have tried harder to stop you that night; I should have gone after you right then and there. My decision to stay behind was foolish. I was upset and my judgment was clouded and because of that you were…I-I failed as a leader...I-I failed as a brother."

Burying my head inside my hands, I shamefully hid tears that were freely falling as I relived the events that led to my immediate younger brother's demise…

_Raphael's angry last words were ringing in my ears as I stood in the elevator waiting for it to reach the main area of the lair. The selfishness and lack of discipline held by my immediate younger brother were proving to be difficult attributes to contain._

"_Not to mention his unhealthy desire to 'see the world' while putting us all at risk," I muttered to myself as I exited the elevator doors, "hopefully all that rain will be just the thing to cool that hot head down so he can think clearly."_

_Heading over to the kitchen, I quickly made my way towards the fridge. Opening the door, my heated body was met by cool moist air as I rummaged through its contents searching for a bottle of water. When my fingers felt the chilled plastic surface, I gently removed it from its position, letting the door of the refrigerator shut behind me. _

"_What am I going to do with you…?"_

_Walking towards the stairway while opening the bottle, I abruptly stopped to take a sip of the icy water. As it slid over my tongue and down my throat, I let the cold fluid calm my angered demeanor. _

_Looking around the area, I noticed that it was abnormally quite. _

'_That's strange, the lair is usually teeming with life at this hour,' I thought to myself as I looked around again, 'Dons lab is empty, and I haven't heard a peep from Mikey in quite some time.'_

_Before I could give more thought to the situation, I heard an exaggerated lengthy whistle followed by a couple of shocked gasp from the living room. _

'_That's more like it,' I thought to myself as I made my way to the source of the outburst._

_Once I arrived to the living room, I noticed Don, Mike, and Master Splinter glued to the television set with wide eyes watching the evening news. _

_Turning to the wall of multiple television screens, I too could not help but to stare with my mouth agape. There was footage of swirling winds, downpours, hail, and debris scattering about. It looked nothing like New York City; it resembled a dooms day film._

"_The storm is getting very horrible quickly," Don stated in awe while simultaneously stroking his chin._

"_I agree my son. It would be wise for everyone to stay in their homes this night," replied Master Splinter in the calmest tone while standing up and silently existing the room._

"_Yeah," Mikey chimed in sitting straight up while checking to see if Master Splinter was indeed out of earshot, "Mother Nature does not seem happy tonight, maybe it's her time of the month?"_

"_Not funny Mikey" Don teased while playfully smacking the back of his head. _

"_Ouch," Mikey yelped while looking around and locking his eyes on my form, "Leeeooo, Don hit me, his incredibly funny and handsome baby brother for no reason whatsoever."_

_Shooting a stern look at Mikey, which ended his protest immediately, I gave my attention back to the news. Now, aerial footage was broadcasting from a helicopter that was hovering over the city. The streets for the most part were deserted. There was the occasional cluster of cars carefully driving by, a lone pedestrian or two running with their umbrellas held high and their hooded jackets drawn snuggly against their heads, and emergency crews setting up giant bags of sand along sidewalks and other places they saw fit in case there was a flood. _

_Staring at the chaotic weather outside reminded me that my two other brothers and I had an intense training session. Just when I was about to demand for everyone to get in the dojo, I was startled out of my thoughts by my youngest brothers shouting._

"_Dudes, check out the dumb ass on the motorcycle speeding through the city!"_

"_What an idiot,' Donatello responded, "who in their right mind would go out joy riding with the weather acting like this they could get seriously hurt or killed!"_

_Snapping my attention back towards the television set, my heart instantly fell to my stomach. As the screens all brandished the same image, realization began setting in. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest, and my vision started to obscure. I tried to breathe, but it felt like I was inhaling through one of Donny's thin coffee straws. Focusing on my brother's mockery of the lone motorcycle rider, I began to calm down. _

"_Hahaha maybe that guy has a rental and he wants to return it before the late fees set it"_

"_Mikey," Donatello spoke sternly while trying desperetly to hide a smile, "whoever is out there can get seriously hurt, and you shouldn't be making jokes about it,_

"_Raphael," I whispered faintly._

_My brothers suddenly quite the banter amongst themselves and turned to face me slowly._

"_What Leo," Donatello questioned slowly, "what did you just say?"_

_Clearing my throat while staring at the stilled image of Raph's bike zooming towards some unknown destination on the television I inhaled a deep breath and spoke again._

"_Raphael…t-that's was Raphael riding off into the storm."_

* * *

**A/N**: Sorry about the much-delayed update I felt like I have been dead to the world of fanfiction for a little while haha. I am having a very busy summer so writing is a bit scattered! Well, I am back and ready to tackle my stories! Originally, this story was only going to be one chapter, but I am stretching it into three or four very short ones, so I hope you all enjoy! Please **R&R **I would love to see what you people have to say. Constructive criticism is also welcomed. Thanks for the support!

**ChatterBOXX **


	3. Chapter 3

**Tribulation:**** Chapter Three**

**_****Author note is at the end***_  
**

"_Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.__"_

_-Sydney Smith _

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.**

*******_Italics=flashbacks__*******_

* * *

_Let us take a moment to recap shall we!_

_Clearing my throat while staring at the stilled image of Raph's bike zooming towards some unknown destination on the television I inhaled a deep breath and spoke again._

"_Raphael…t-that's was Raphael riding off into the storm."_

* * *

_The silence that followed was heavy and suffocating to say the least. I could almost feel the confusion rolling off them in thick waves. The three of us staring at each other, motionless, silently questioning, I could have thought of a thousand other places I would have rather been. _

'_Like out in the storm trying to convince Raphael to come home.'_

_Donatello was the first to break the silence while slowly approaching the television screen. _

"_L-Leo what are you talking about, how could that be Raph, he was…wasn't he just here?"_

_That statement was enough to make me hang my head down in shame._

'_That's the thing Don, he was just here,' I contemplated in silence._

"_Leo?" _

_The sound of my name brought me out of my thoughts. I carefully raised my eyes only to be met by a pair of concerned blue ones. _

"_We got into a fight. You guys know how I wanted to have an extra training session today since the weather is crazy. Well, when I brought the notion up at breakfast, Raph did not seem thrilled by the idea, so a while ago I tried getting him to go to the dojo first, just in case he found something else to occupy his time."_

_I paused mentally fast-forwarding through the events that happened just moments ago. Sighing, and staring at the stilled image that was broadcasted on the television screen I continued. _

"_I found him lying on his floor staring at some map. I don't know why, but I got angry… I was such a jerk to him! We exchanged a few words and ultimately I snatched all of these push pins out of it. He told me they were markers for all the places he wanted to see eventually."_

_Slowly, I shut my eyes as I felt my body shaking. In an attempt to divert my attention, I began pacing around the living room._

"_He ran out on me and I followed him to the garage. I tried to stop him but he just got on his bike. I tried again and he told me that he was going to go on a tour of New York City and sped off. I should have tried harder; this is my fault. If I wasn't such a jerk Raphael would still be here instead of out there."_

_Still trembling and pacing, I ended my explanation. From what I just told, it would be of no surprise if my brothers hated me. I am supposed to be the leader, the example, the one that has a clear head. I let my temper get the best of me, and that is an inexcusable act._

"_This is all my fault," I shouted while stopping to face my brothers who were staring back at me with wide eyes._

"_Are you sure that was him," Mikey asked tentatively, "I mean the news could have filmed anyone. Maybe he just went to Casey's to blow off a little steam."_

"_I think Leo is right," Don added while swiftly moving towards his computer._

_As his fingers rapidly flew across the keyboard, filling the still area with a melody of uninterrupted rapping, I was captivated by my younger brother's intense focus. Looking over at Mikey who was just as perplexed as I was, we simultaneously gravitated towards Don's area of work._

'_What is he doing now,' I mused silently as I peeked over his shoulder._

_Multiple windows filled the screen, and many more were appearing as his continued nimbly typing away. One in particular grabbed my attention. It was a map showing the progression of the storm, and it looked like a fast end was not in sight. The last window to pop up was the same stilled image that aired on the news of the lone cyclist riding off into the nightmarish storm. _

_Taking a moment to clean and straighten the pixels while magnifying the picture, Donnie was able to crop everything else out besides the rider. _

_The custom design of the red metallic machine glistening under the streetlights was unmistakable, almost as unmistakable as the matching red helmet and biker attire that the rider was wearing. After exchanging knowing glances amongst ourselves, there was no doubt in our minds that our brother, Raphael, was indeed braving the waking hell._

'_Oh shell,' I gulped mentally 'we have to go after him before he gets himself hurt'._

"_Well dudes, you know what they say," Mikey uttered while making his way back to the couch, "if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck then obviously it's Raphie Boy. Hey, you can even see his bad attitude in this picture". _

"_So not the time" I responded while shooting him yet another stern glance._

"_You can't blame a guy for trying," Mikey whispered while shrugging off my glare and getting comfortable on the sofa. _

_I watched as my little brother aimlessly stared at the different news channels on our TVs, which had abandoned the still of the lone rider in favor of showing scenes from the chaotic streets. On every television screen, a different news station had their respective weather reporter live at the hair-raising scenes broadcasting to the masses that there is a possibility the condition outdoors will only get grimmer. The longer I stared at the footage that was flashing before me, the more fear I felt for Raph's safety. _

'_I gotta go get him I'm the reason he's out in the storm right now.'_

_With my mind made up, I swiftly grabbed a spare shell cell off Donnie's desk and began heading out of the room. I did not even pass the couch before I heard a loud sigh coming from Michelangelo._

"_What are we going to do now," he questioned emphasizing the 'we'. His gaze never left the screens. _

_Stopping my movement, I could not help but to notice the marginally wary tone his voice held, and I knew he was aware of my next course of action. A part of me always respected how Mikey had a gift for reading people, but at the same time, I hated it. _

_When he averted his eyes away from the television screen while turning down to volume, only to stare at me with an air of silent accusation, I had to collect myself. His icy blue eyes seemed to warn me that whatever I was about to do was stupid…_

_However, I did not care and I decided to clear the air and set the record straight._

"_We don't have to do anything," I stated curtly in the most authoritative voice I could muster, "however I need to go get Raph, he is my responsibil-"_

"_No he's not," Mikey shouted while standing up, his blue eyes overflowing with emotion, were staring holes into my body, "remember he's our brother too, we should all go!"_

_The lair fell silent. I am almost certain if a pin fell in the dojo we would have been able to hear it out here. Even Donatello stopped his typing at the computer and hesitantly began observing the situation between Mikey and I. _

_I was speechless. It was very rare that Mikey would shout at anyone of us…especially me. _

'_Did he just…' I thought to myself as I closed my mouth, which I just realized had been hanging wide open in shock. I felt my eyes widening as I stared at my infuriated brother in awe. _

'_Strange,' I mused silently as I slowly regained my composure, 'I wonder what that was about.' _

_Clearing my throat, I began to explain why this ordeal was my burden to bare, "Look, you and Don are not a part of this. This is an issue that Raph and I need to work out, and besides you have seen the weather, it is way too dangerous for you gu-"_

"_It's too dangerous for us? Leo, what about you?" Mikey shouted again his face livid as he extended an accusing finger at my form._

_We stared at each other for a moment in silence until the fire extinguished itself from his eyes, and he heaved a sigh. _

"_Look Leo," he breathed out dropping his hand back at his side, "you're the one that is always lecturing us about keeping our cool in order to think things through, you know in order to make the right decision. Well bro, wouldn't it be smarter and safer for us to go together as a team, as brothers?"_

_I took a moment to consider what he was saying as he slowly advanced towards me, putting his hands on my shoulders while glaring hopefully into my eyes._

"_You honestly think that you're the only one that worries? Geez dude, Donny and I worry about you guys all of the time. Sometimes I think about hiring Doctor Phil to do an intervention with you two. Come on dude lets go get good ol' Raph together." _

_I stared down into my brother's eyes and I could not help but to shortly succumb to the emotions that they were exuding. Hope, trust, and determination were pouring through his gaze like water gushing through broken dam. For a moment, I almost took him up on his offer but I quickly shut down that notion once I thought about the danger I could be putting them through. _

'_I would much rather die than risk any of my brothers being injured…or worse', I thought to myself as I tore myself away from Mikey's grasp. _

_Turning away slowly, while ignoring the call of my name that my youngest brother whispered out, I could almost feel the waves of hurt I caused. _

'_It's for the best', I thought as I swiftly began heading to the entrance of the lair, 'he will get over it in no time'._

"_Wait Leo, wait", Don shouted breaking his silence. He approached me quickly, both hands behind his back._

"_I think that Mikey is right; we should come with you."_

_Before I could interject, Donatello quickly added, "If you really think about it, we could be an asset. First, do you even know where to look for Raphael?"_

_Stopping my advance, I silently turned to Donny as realization began setting in. The perplexed expression that my eyes must have held was all the permission he needed to continue._

"_Look, I installed tracking devices in all of our shell cells just in case we got separated. I also installed a tracking device in Raph's motorcycle. _

_He slowly brought one of his hands from behind his back. In its grasp laid a tablet shaped device, which had a sequence of flashing lights and blips._

"_This scanner will be able to lead us to Raph's location, but I am the only one who knows how to read it."_

'_Now that I think of it, this scanner thing would be helpful…I would be able to find Raphael right away instead of having to search the whole city…but then again…'_

_Donny,I-I mean, I still don't know about this…"_

_As if sensing my doubt building up again, Donatello uttered, "Oh, Mikey has also been helping me upgrade the battle shell. I have added a few things that might prove very useful against the storm." He sat in silence thinking for a moment, "besides, what if you do find Raphael and he is hurt, what are you going to do?"_

_Heaving a long sigh of defeat, I turned around. _

'_He's right, if Raph is hurt somewhere out there I can't offer him the help he needs.'_

""_Alright Don, you got me there," I stated while watching a small grin break out on his face, "there's power in numbers we should all go and find Raphael…together."_

"_Wahoo! I just knew you would come around," Mikey shouted while bounding over the couch and stumbling towards us, "now we just need a plan."_

"_We will figure one out while we gear up," Donny replied while moving back towards his computer desk and shoving various items into his duffle bag, " besides, the more time we spend here, the more time the storm has to become worse."_

_While we swiftly gathered all of the supplies we needed, we briefly discussed our plans. We determined that the best course of action would be to use the battle shell, obviously, while taking the main roads, one because they were vacant, and two the private and side streets were all blocked off. From Donny's last reading, Raph was making his way to upstate New York, and we planned to cut him off there. _

_Once we finished gathering our supplies, we loaded the battle shell and got in. Donny then connected his scanner into the battle shell and a small screen near the steering wheel projected everyone's location. Holding down the button on the remote control that opened the garage door, we all silently listened as the ghastly metallic sound echoed throughout the garage. Slowly, the opening became wider and the hellish nightmare in our wake became clearer. _

"_Are you guys ready for this", Donatello uttered, his voice revealing just a twinge of distress._

"_We can do this dude," Mikey added although it was more like a question than a statement, "besides it can't get any worse than this."_

"_Let's go," I instructed, "we are wasting time."_

_Slowly as if trying to savor out last bit of sanctuary, Donatello began to slowly exit our garage and enter an almost unrecognizably chaotic city that we called home. The scenery was much different from what had been broadcasted on the news, it was worse. We sat in silence the first few minutes, taking in the sights in disbelief, just listening to the wind as it abraded the exterior of our vehicle while also listening to the rhythmic hum of the engine and the sporadic beeping of the scanner. _

_The longer I sat there, the more I could feel the sickening feeling of uneasiness churn inside my stomach. My muscles tightened, my breathing increased, and I could feel sweat beginning to form on my forehead. I looked around the van to see if my brothers noticed my panicking state…_

…_They did not…I was still in the clear._

'_Why am I starting to get a feeling that something bad is going to happen?"_

_Staring out the window, I started to think of Raphael, my brother who was out there alone…_

'_Raphael wherever you are, please be safe…'_

"…_Please," I mouthed in silence._

* * *

**(A/N): **Well, hello there! It has been quite some time hasn't it? I am so sorry about the wait everyone. Just so you guys know, I didn't forget about any of my stories. I hope that those of you who are reading this story enjoy this chapter! **Please** **Read and Review!**Constructive criticism is welcomed with open arms too! so please if you spot anything let me know!

**_Thank you for your support,_**

**ChatterBOXX**

'


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